I may have had a breakthrough. I decided to cut through all the clutter and focus on the storylines that directly intersect: Mr. C's various shenanigans; the events in Buckhorn; the FBI investigation (Gordon, Albert, and Tammy's adventures); and the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department's investigation into Coop's disappearance (so, only the stuff in Twin Peaks directly related to Margaret's call to Hawk stating that "something is missing involving Agent Dale Cooper").
Everything else happening (in New York and Twin Peaks) can fit in pretty much anywhere, actually. The only temporal requirements are that Richard robs Sylivia in time to be at The Farm when Mr. C shows up and that Ben gets the Great Northern key in time to give it to Frank. Am I wrong about that? Are there any other hard temporal connections between the other storylines?
Anyway, by looking closely at these key interrelated storylines, I realized pretty quickly that there are a number of moments that constrain where things can be on the timeline. As I tried various configurations, options were eliminated at one point or another (because something in one plotline had to set up something in another), until I hit on the one below.
I think this all works. And it's also fairly elegant. The only part that kind of bugs me is that it requires that the FBI crew sits in Yankton for a day after Diane speaks to Mr. C. In fact, they'd have to be in Yankton following Mr. C's escape, and not hear about it for more than 24 hours. I think I can live with this, though. Let's just say they had to wait for a plane for some reason, and that Warden Murphy takes a day to try and cover his tracks. There's no other way to sync things up so that (a) Mr. C calls Duncan before he (Duncan) sends Anthony to the Mitchum brothers, and (b) the FBI interview with Hastings happens on 9/29. Since everything else falls into place so well, I'm willing to live with that weird day off in Yankton.
Anyway, here's what I have (again, focusing only on these key storylines for now):
TPTR CHRONOLOGICAL TIMELINE v2Fri, Sept 23
Mr. C: Day 1 (Sept 23) Sat, Sept 24
01.07 Evil Cooper goes to cabin in woods, Evil Cooper meets with Otis and Beula, Ray and Darya leave with Evil Coop.
02.06 Railroad crossing flashes.
02.07 Evil Cooper makes plans in diner with Ray, Darya and Jack, Evil Cooper wants information from Hastings's secretary via Ray.
Buckhorn: Day 1 ( Sept 24)Sun, Sept 25
01.09 Margerie smells odor from neighbor's apartment, calls police.
01.10 Police discover Ruth in apartment.
01.11 Hank calls Harvey.
01.13 Constance discovers Hastings' prints match prints at crime scene.
01.14 Hastings is arrested.
01.16 Hastings interrogated by Dave.
01.17 Hastings placed in jail.
01.18 Hastings home and car is searched, find piece of flesh in trunk
02.01 Phyllis visits Hastings in jail.
02.02 Phyllis tells George "He knows."
02.03 Disembodied head floats from cell next to Hastings.
02.04 Evil Cooper shoots Phyllis.
Vegas: Day 0 (Sept 24)
02.05 Duncan gives Roger money to pay "her" for the job, warns Roger about "him".
Mr. C: Day 2 (Sept 24)
02.10 Evil Cooper kills Jack at storage center.
02.11 Evil Cooper, at motel, catches Darya lying about phone call, shows her playing card and kills her.
02.12 Evil Cooper contacts Jefferies, downloads prison plans, Evil Cooper goes next door, tells Chantal to clean up the other room, fingers her.
Twin Peaks Coop Investigation: Day 1 (Sept 24)
01.12 Log Lady calls Hawk ("My log has a message for you").
01.15 Hawk opens Laura's old police files.
Twin Peaks Coop Investigation: Day 2 (Sept 25)Mon, Sept 26
03.10 Hawk, Andy & Lucy go through files ("Is it the bunny?").
04.07 Lucy speaks with Truman on his cell phone about thermostat, freaks out.
04.08 Maggie tells Frank about overdose.
04.09 Frank discusses Chinese designer drug and surveillance cameras with Bobby.
04.10 Andy explains cell phones to Lucy.
04.11 Hawk updates Frank, Chad bad-mouths log lady.
04.12 Bobby sees Laura's picture, explains Cooper was the last one to see Major Briggs alive before he died in fire.
04.13 Wally Brando arrives.
Vegas: Day 1 (Sept 25)
03.03 Dougie and Jade in bed, Dougie's arm is numb, Dougie wearing ring, Jade showers.
03.05 Dougie goes to red room, turns into gold bead, One-armed man puts ring on table.
03.06 Cooper switches with Dougie.
03.07 Jade drives Dougie-Coop, hitmen miss Dougie-Coop when he ducks to get Great Northern key.
03.08 Boy watches from window, Drugged out mother yells "119".
03.12 Jade drops off Dougie at Silver Mustang.
03.13 Dougie-Coop wins jackpots.
04.01 Dougie-Coop wins more jackpots.
04.02 Bill Shaker sees Dougie-Coop in casino.
04.03 Casino manager pays off Dougie-Coop, provides limo home.
04.04 Limo driver finds Dougie-Coop's home.
04.05 Janey-E yells at Dougie-Coop, counts money.
Mr C: Day 3 (Sept 25)
03.02 Evil Cooper gets in accident.
03.04 Evil Coop vomits.
03.09 Police find Evil-Coop and get sick from smell.
Buckhorn: Day 2 (Sept 25)
04.17 South Dakota police files get blocked.
FBI: Day 1 (Sept 25)
03.14 FBI meeting, Gordon, Albert and Tammy learn Cooper is in South Dakota.
04.06 Cole meets with Denise.
Vegas: Day 2 (Sept 26)Tue, Sept 27
05.01 Vegas Guys still surveilling house.
05.02 Lorraine texts Buenos Aires
04.14 One-armed Man tells Dougie-Coop he was tricked.
04.15 Janey-E helps Dougie-Coop pee, get dressed.
04.16 Dougie-Coop has breakfast at home.
05.07 Dougie-Coop cries when he sees Sonny Jim in back of car.
05.08 Two cars drive by Dougie's abandoned car.
05.09 Janey-E drops off Dougie-Coop at work, he mimics statue, follows coffee up to office, Darren hits on Rhonda, Frank enjoys green tea, Dougie-Coop calls Tony a liar.
05.10 Dougie-Coop receives homework from Mullins.
05.11 Rhonda lets Dougie-Coop use ladie's room.
05.12 Manager gets fired (and roughed up) by Bradley and Rodney Mitchum, replace him with Warrick.
05.13 Boy wanders across street to Dougie's car, thieves show up to steal Dougie's car and it blows up, druggie mom wakes up.
05.14 Car washer finds Great Northern key in Jade's Jeep, Jade mails back key.
05.17 Dougie-Coop rides elevator down backwards.
05.18 Dougie-Coop gazes at statue.
05.26 Dougie-Coop stands at statue, police ask him to leave.
06.01 Dougie-Coop still in front of statue with police.
06.02 Dougie-Coop gets taken home by police.
06.03 Janey-E and Dougie-Coop eat.
06.04 Dougie-Coop and Sonny Jim use the Clapper.
06.05 Janey-E sees picture of Dougie and Jade, Janey-E sets up appointment to make payment in park.
06.07 One armed man warns Dougie-Coop, Dougie-Coop doodles on case files.
Buckhorn: Day 3 (Sept 26)
05.03 Autopsy of body, find Dougie's wedding ring in stomach.
05.21 Colonel Davis sends Cindy to investigate Garland's prints in Buckhorn.
FBI: Day 2 (Sept 26)
04.18 Tammy gets car sick, Albert and Gordon discuss Mt. Rushmore.
04.19 Gordon learns contents of Evil-Coop's trunk: cocaine, machine gun, dog leg.
04.20 Cole, Albert & Tammy interview Evil-Coop.
04.21 Gordon wants to hear about Evil-Coop's private phone call when he has it.
04.22 Gordon asks Tammy to leave because she's wearing a wire, Albert tells Gordon he authorized Jeffries to give Cooper info about man in Colombia, Gordon asks Albert to find "her".
05.23 Tammy researches Coop's prints.
06.08 Albert complains about rain, meets with Diane at Max Von's Bar.
Mr. C: Day 4 (Sept 26)
05.04 Evil Cooper sees Bob in jail cell mirror.
05.24 Evil Cooper mentions Mr. Stawberry to Warden Murphy before placing his one phone call, alarms sound.
05.25 In Buenos Aires something happens to something.
Twin Peaks Coop Investigation: Day 3 (Sept 26)
05.19 Hawk and Andy go through files.
Vegas: Day 3 (Sept 27)Wed, Sept 28
06.14 Duncan receives red square on computer screen, pulls envelope out of safe.
06.15 Coroner shows up to wreckage of Dougie's car, drugged out mother yells "119", cops find license plate on roof.
06.16 Ike at motel, rolls dice and receives pictures of Lorraine and Dougie.
06.17 Dougie-Coop goes to work, sits with Mullins who understands his doodles.
06.18 Janey-E pays off toughs Jimmy and Tommy in park.
06.19 Ike kills Lorraine.
07.15 Police question Dougie Coop and Janey-E about his car.
07.16 Ike attempts to shoot Dougie Coop, The EotA appears and Coop fends off Ike.
07.17 Witnesses are interviewed.
Buckhorn: Day 5 (Sept 27)
07.06 Cindy Knox visits Buckhorn, informs Col. Davis that it is not just prints but a body, figure walks down hall.
FBI: Day 3 (Sept 27)
07.07 Gordon whistles in his office, Albert asks him to talk with Diane.
07.08 Gordon and Albert visit Diane at home.
07.09 On plane: Tammy shows backward print to Gordon and Albert, Gordon explains spiritual finger, Albert shows Tammy photo of Evil Coop in Rio.
07.10 Diane meets with Evil Coop in prison.
07.11 Diane tells Gordon it isn't Cooper.
Mr. C: Day 5 (Sept 27)
07.12 Evil Coop asks guard to see Warden Murphy, mentions Strawberry.
07.14 Warden Murphy meets with Evil Coop who mentions dog leg, Mr. Strawberry and Joe McCloskey, Evil Coop wants himself and Ray released.
07.22 Evil Coop and Ray are released from prison.
08.01 Ray drives while Evil Coop pins tracking number on a truck, Ray wants money for his info.
08.02 Ray pees, Evil Coop pulls gun on Ray, Ray shoots Evil Coop, Woodsmen rub Evil Coop's guts on his face, Bob is seen on his stomach, Ray drives off toward 'The Farm'.
08.03 Ray calls Philip.
08.05 Evil Coop sits up.
Mr. C: Day 6 (Sept 28)Thu, Sept 29
09.01 Evil-Coop walks up to farm.
09.03 Evil-Coop meets Hutch and Chantal
09.05 Evil-Coop sends coded text, calls Duncan asking if it's done--better be done next time he calls
09.06 Evil-Coop tells Hutch to kill Warden Murphy, Chantel kisses Evil-Coop goodbye before he drives off, Hutch shoots phone.
Vegas: Day 4 (Sept 28)
09.07 Las Vegas Police Department: The Fuscos interview Bushnell, Bushnell explains Dougie's earlier car accident then tells Dougie they will work together tomorrow, police discuss no info on Dougie before 1997 and cost of taillight, get Dougie's prints off coffee cup, palm prints of Ike came off gun. Dougie-Coop stares at flag, red heels and outlet.
09.08 The Fuscos inspect new taillight.
09.09 Ike leaves message that he failed mission, police gather in motel parking lot, Ike arrested in hallway.
12.05 Dougie-Coop and Sonny Jim play catch.
10.04 Candie swats Rodney Mitchum with remote.
10.05 Janey-E checks out Dougie-Coop's figure at doctor appointment.
10.06 Candie cries, the Mitchums see television report on Ike arrest and Dougie.
10.07 Janey-E asks Dougie-Coop if he finds her attractive while he eats cake.
10.08 Janey-E and Dougie-Coop have sex, Sonny Jim hears her scream.
10.15 Roger informs Duncan they caught Ike, Duncan tells Anthony to go to Mitchum brothers and frame Dougie.
10.17 The Mitchums see Anthony on security camera and send Candie to get him, Anthony frames Dougie.
10.18 The Mitchums discuss setting up meeting with Dougie.
FBI: Day 4 / Buckhorn: Day 6 (Sept 28)
---- Day off in Yankton for the FBI team??
---- Nothing much happens in Buckhorn??
Vegas: Day 5 (Sept 29)Fri, Sept 30
10.10 Janey-E shows appreciation to Dougie-E about "last night".
11.14 Bushnell does push-ups at his desk, Mitchum brothers case was not arson, Mitchums want to meet Dougie at 5:30, $30,000,000 check.
11.15 Mitchums eat breakfast in afternoon, Bradley had dream about Dougie.
11.16 Dougie-Coop sees One-Armed Man in coffee shop.
11.17 Dougie-Coop carries box, Bushnell gives him check, loads him in limo, driver recognizes him.
11.18 Limo drives down the Strip to "Viva Las Vegas."
11.19 Mitchums wait in desert.
11.20 Limo driving in desert.
11.21 Mitchums discuss Bradley's dream, healed cut on Rodney's face.
11.22 Limo driving in desert.
11.23 Mitchums waiting while Limo pulls up, Dougie-Coop has box, Bradley dreamed about pie in box and can't kill Dougie-Coop, find check.
11.24 Mitchums and Dougie-Coop have Dinner and drinks, Dougie-Coop listens to piano, homeless woman thanks Mr. Jackpots, Candie serves Mitchums and Dougie-Coop cherry pie.
11.24 Piano player plays on.
FBI: Day 5 / Buckhorn: Day 7 (Sept 29)
09.02 On the plane, Gordon receives call from Colonel to divert to Buckhorn.
09.04 Gordon informs Diane and pilot going to Buckhorn, Warden Murphy calls Gordon to let him know of Cooper's escape.
09.13 Buckhorn morgue: Diane smokes and receives Evil-Coop's coded text, Detective Macklay tells Gordon & Co. about Hastings's blog, coroner shows them Dougie's ring.
09.17 Diane smokes, joined by Gordon and Tammy.
09.18 Tammy interviews Hastings, Hastings posted about different dimension, Major was hibernating and asked for coordinates, Hastings I.D.'s picture of Major Briggs, Major floated up and said "Cooper, Cooper" before his head disappeared.
10.16 Albert and Constance have Dinner.
10.19 Gordon draws, opens door for Albert but sees Laura, Albert tells Gordon about Diane's texts about Hastings, Tammy shows picture of Evil Coop at glass box in NYC.
Twin Peaks Coop Investigation: Day 4 (Sept 29)
06.21 Hawk finds missing diary pages in men's room of police station.
07.02 Hawk and Frank go over diary pages.
07.03 Harry updates Frank on his health over phone.
07.05 Frank Skypes Doc Hayward, Coop visited comatose Audrey in hospital.
09.12 Bobby, Truman and Hawk interview Betty about Garland, Garland had told Betty they would come one day, Betty gives them cylinder hidden in secret compartment of chair
09.15 Lucy eats lunch at her desk, Chad eats lunch in conference room, Truman tells him to go to lunchroom, Truman doesn't know how to open capsule, Bobby says he knows how.
09.16 Bobby throws capsule at ground, it emits tone, throws again and it opens, note inside says to go to Jack Rabbits Palace on 10/1 and 10/2.
13.14 Bobby sees Big Ed and Norma at diner, Walter explains profits and losses of RR Diner franchises to Norma.
11.12 Truman and Hawk discuss map, fire and corn, Log Lady calls Hawk ("There's fire where you are going"). Deputy Jesse asks Truman if he wants to see his new car.
Mr. C: Day 7 (Sept 29)
12.11 Hutch and Chantal kill the warden, head to Wendy's.
---- Mr. C drives all day??
Vegas: Day 6 (Sept 30)Sat, Oct 1
13.01 The Mitchums and Dougie-Coop do a Conga line, bring presents to Bushnell, Anthony sees them from adjoining office and calls Todd, he is given one day to take care of things.
13.05 The Fuscos get Dougie-Coop's prints back which trace him to prison escape and FBI, paperwork tossed in trash, Anthony looks for Detective Clark.
13.06 Detective Clark tells Anthony where to get poison.
13.02 Silver Mustang delivers jungle gym and car to Dougie Coop's home.
13.03 Sonny Jim plays on jungle gym.
Mr. C: Day 8 (Sept 30)
13.04 Evil Coop pulls into warehouse in Western Montana ("The Farm"), Ray and Renzo watch him from big screen, Evil Coop comes up elevator and arm wrestles Renzo, Evil Coop kills Renzo and shoots Ray, Ray gives him coordinates and puts on the ring, Richard watches on big screen with the gang, Ray says Phillip Jefferies was at The Dutchman's, Evil Coop kills Ray and ring falls to floor of red room, Evil Coop leaves, Ray lies dead on floor of Red Room and the ring is placed on the table.
13.07 Hutch and Chantal in Utah discuss Mormons.
15.03 Evil Coop drives up to convenience store, goes upstairs, Bosomy Woman unlocks door for him, Evil Coop speaks with Jeffries about Judy, Richard (Audrey's son) pulls gun on Evil Coop outside, Evil Coop sends text "Las Vegas?", they get in truck and leave, convenience store disappears.
FBI: Day 5 / Buckhorn: Day 7 (Sept 30)
11.10 Gordon, Albert, Tammy, Diane, Det. Macklay and Hastings arrive at abandoned building (2240 Sycamore), see Woodsman behind building, Gordon sees portal and vision of Woodsmen on stairs, find Ruth's body, Woodsman approaches car and splits open Hastings head.
11.13 Gordon's hand shakes, Albert shows picture of Ruth's arm with coordinates, Diane memorizes coordinates, Tammy and Macklay join them with donuts and coffee, Diane says she saw a Woodsman getting out of the car.
12.14 Diane enters coordinates from arm that belong to Twin Peaks.
12.01 Gordon and Albert recruit Tammy into Blue Rose and deputize Diane.
12.08 Diane texts with someone (Evil Coop?).
12.10 Gordon tells story to a French woman, Albert interrupts and informs him about Diane's texts.
Vegas: Day 7 (Oct 1)Sun, Oct 2
13.08 Janey-E drops Dougie Coop off at work and he runs into glass door, Anthony invites him for coffee.
13.09 Anthony and Dougie-Coop have coffee, Anthony poisons Dougie-Coop's coffee while he is looking at cherry pie, Anthony breaks down.
13.10 Anthony tosses poisoned coffee down urinal.
13.11 Anthony apologizes to Dougie-Coop.
13.13 Anthony confesses to Bushnell.
15.08 Chantal kills Duncan and Roger.
15.10 Chantal and Hutch eat in van.
15.11 Janey-E gives Dougie's-Coop cake, he plays with remote, television comes on playing Sunset Boulevard, he hears Gordon Cole's name on television, Dougie-Coop hears static from outlet and sticks fork in it, Janey-E screams.
FBI: Day 6 / Buckhorn: Day 8 (Oct 1)
14.01 Gordon calls Twin Peaks, Frank tells him about the pages from Laura's diary indicating two Coopers.
14.02 Albert tells Tammy about first Blue Rose case, Diane reveals that Janey-E is her half-sister, Gordon contacts Vegas FBI office and tells Albert and Tammy about his Monica Bellucci dream.
Twin Peaks Coop Investigation: Day 6 (Oct 1)
14.03 Bobby brings sandwiches, Chad is arrested.
14.04 Bobby, Hawk, Frank, and Andy hike up the mountain to Jack Rabbit's Palace, find Naido, portal opens, Andy disappears.
14.05 Andy meets The Fireman.
14.06 Bobby, Hawk, Frank, and Andy appear back at Jack Rabbit's Palace; Andy is carrying Naido, tells everyone that she is important and they must protect her.
14.07 Andy and Lucy set Naido up in her cell, Chad yells at Andy, drunk repeats Naido's sounds and Chad's complaints.
14.08 Freddie tells James the story of his green glove.
14.09 James checks the furnace, investigates the Great Northern hum.
15.06 The Roadhouse "Sharp Dressed Man-ZZ Top", James says "Hi" to Renee and is punched by Chuck, Freddie punches Chuck and his friend.
15.09 James and Freddie are put in jail, Drunk, Naido and Chad are nearby.
15.12 Log Lady calls Hawk and tells him she's dying, warns him about the one under the moon on Blue Pine Mountain, her log is turning gold and the wind is moaning, Hawk tells her "Goodnight" and "Goodbye".
15.13 Hawk tells Truman, Bobby, Andy and Lucy that Margaret is "passed away tonight".
15.14 Lights go out in Log Lady's cabin.
17.02 Drunk in cell wakes up and sees Chad.
Mr. C: Day 9 (Oct 1)
16.01 Evil Coop and Richard drive to one set of coordinates, Richard climbs rock and explodes, Jerry watches from distance, Evil Coop tries to send text ":-) ALL".
17.03 Evil-Coop drives down road.
FBI: Day 7 / Buckhorn: Day 9 (Oct 2)
16.04 Gordon stands in hotel room full of electronics.
16.11 Diane receives Evil Coop's text, goes up to hotel room with Gordon, Albert and Tammy, Diane tells them she was raped by Cooper, she says she was in the sheriffs station, she pulls out gun and is shot by Albert and Tammy, Diane is whooshed out of the room.
16.12 Mike talks to Diane in red room, she turns into gold bead.
17.01 Gordon explains Judy to Albert and Tammy! Gordon receives report of Cooper's empty bed at hospital, Bushnell gives Gordon Cooper's message.
Vegas: Day 8 (Oct 2)
16.02 Hutch and Chantal stake out Dougie's house and see FBI drive up.
16.03 Cooper lies in hospital bed, Janey-E and Sonny Jim talk with Bushnell, the Mitchum brothers arrive with Candie, Mandie and Sandie. Mitchum brothers get Janie-E's key to stock their house with food.
16.05 Janey-E takes Sonny Jim to bathroom, Phil calls Bushnell and tells him FBI was looking for Dougie.
16.06 Hutch and Chantal see FBI staking out Dougie's, the Mitchums arrive with food, neighbor gets in shoot out killing Hutch and Chantal.
16.07 Bushnell hears tone and follows it outside the room, Cooper wakes up, he sees Mike, Mike gives Cooper the ring, Cooper gives Mike a hair to make "another one", doctor clears Cooper to leave.
16.08 Janey-E and Sonny Jim go to pull up car.
16.09 Cooper borrows Bushnell's gun, asks him to tell the Mitchum brothers to get plane ready for Spokane, Washington, Cooper gives Bushnell message for Gordon and tells him he is the FBI.
16.10 Cooper drives Dougie's family to casino and just misses FBI pulling into hospital.
16.13 Cooper meets with the Mitchums at the casino and says goodbye to Janey-E and Sonny Jim.
16.14 Cooper rides in Mitchum's limo having told them about being in FBI and going to Twin Peaks.
Twin Peaks Coop Investigation: Day 7 / Mr. C: Day 10 (Oct 2)
17.04 Drunk mimics Naido.
17.06 Evil Coop enters lodge from Jack Rabbits.
17.07 Giant sees Laura's house on movie screen, Evil Coop enters near Twin Peaks Sheriff's station while Briggs' head looks on, Naiido feels his presence, Andy greets him as Agent Cooper, Chad retrieves hidden key from sole of boot, Lucy and Truman get Evil Cooper, Andy has vision of escorting Lucy, Chad escapes, Evil Coop sits with Truman, Chad pulls gun on Andy but is knocked out by Freddie, Lucy forwards call from Cooper who is entering Twin Peaks, Evil Coop pulls gun on Truman but is shot by Lucy, Andy brings in Freddie, James and Naido, Hawk arrives, Woodsmen begin ritual on Evil Coop, Cooper arrives, Freddie punches Bob bubble while the Mitchum brothers look on, Cooper puts ring on Evil Coop, Cooper asks for room key, Bobby, Gordon, Albert, Tammy, Candie, Mandie and Sandie arrive, Nairobi turns into Diane and kisses Cooper the clock doesn't move past 2:53.
17.08 Cooper enters door in basement of Great Northern leaving behind Gordon and Diane. One-Armed Man escorts him to Jeffries.