Let's talk changes: how would you change the second season?

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amonitrate
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Post by amonitrate »

okay! Added Act Three to the script for episode 3.01 here:

http://amonitrate.googlepages.com/season3premiere

hope it's a-okay.
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Audrey Horne
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Post by Audrey Horne »

hot damn is that good. You're putting a lot of pressure on me here!

reading it I forgot I came up with it and got lost in it. I'm almost done with the fourth part -it was really hard episode to do. There's so much exposition that would have to come into play if this was a premiere, but also has to have something ominous driving it forward. I'm not sure I've done it successfully, but I'm trying.

you're a gem.

and I'm feeling better, still pretty groggy and sore, but up to the job at hand!
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
amonitrate
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Post by amonitrate »

thanks:) I'm glad you're feeling better. I think you don't get bogged down by exposition very much at all, the way you've paced this one.

BTW, I went back and caught up on all the episodes. Nice stuff. I especially was taken with the idea of Cooper being physically effected (bleeding, fainting) after the big reveal - it really fits with the way the show seems to work, thematically. I'm not sure why, or how to explain - but it does!

Anyway. The script I'm typing is your work - you're what makes it good!
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Evenreven
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Post by Evenreven »

Geez Louise! What's happening to Bobby? The suspense is killing me!
"Who's the towhead? Those drugs are LEGAL!"
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Audrey Horne
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Post by Audrey Horne »

I don't know -but we better figure out a way to get him back before he turns into a Moonie!!! Help!!!

I don't have all the answers you know!! And just added a little more.
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
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Evenreven
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Post by Evenreven »

I have a feeling it ends with Bobby wondering why his "brain rolled over".

Harriet Hayward!! YESSS!!
"Who's the towhead? Those drugs are LEGAL!"
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Audrey Horne
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Post by Audrey Horne »

DONE! Finally -probably a few clean ups but I think that's the basic structure for a premiere.
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
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Audrey Horne
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3.02

Post by Audrey Horne »

EPISODE 3.02

MOVED TO PAGE 57
Last edited by Audrey Horne on Tue May 27, 2008 5:05 pm, edited 9 times in total.
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
Old Duke
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Post by Old Duke »

Some quick comments:

3.01 Act 3
Albert, Lesley and Andy.

This was heartwarming, I almost felt as though Albert was reaching out and taking his first steps toward becoming part of the TP community. Of course since we are still talking about Albert it feels like having boiling hot coffee throw in your face but thats why we love him.

3.02 Act 1
Coop and Albert

Tone and voice was dead on and you deserve extra points for the Fatty Arbuckle comment, I laughed and then thought about it some more and then felt really uncomfortable. That is excactly what TP should always feel like!

Keep up the good work!
amonitrate
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Post by amonitrate »

Audrey, you are a writing machine!

Here's the full 3.01 script. Note, new address...

http://amonitrate.googlepages.com/episode3.01


Hope you like it!

I'm still typing away at 2.14, but I wanted to finish the premiere since you had it done...
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Evenreven
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Post by Evenreven »

Wow, I'm reading the Donna, Harriet and Gersten scene again, and you've absolutely NAILED it! Harriet's comments about Audrey will even turn out to signify a really important change in plot and focus. All spurred on by a hilarious scene with Donna and Audrey in school. AND all this while being 100 percent in character. I'm really, really impressed. It works so brilliantly my head hurts.

On a general note I love the slightly self-referential talk about who or what Bob is, both among the Haywards and in the Coop and Albert conversation. After the last episode and FWWM it's easy to forget that humorous talk about the spirit world of Peaks was an integral part of the series:

ALBERT
Has anyone seen Bob on Earth in the last few weeks?

COOPER
No, not yet


And that scene was directed by Lynch.

The opening of 3.02 is perfect too. I love the ventriloquist angle. Better than sailors bouncing balls all over the lobby. Much better. "Three weeks to tell us The Butler Did it". Perfect! :lol: :lol:
"Who's the towhead? Those drugs are LEGAL!"
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Audrey Horne
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Post by Audrey Horne »

thanks, guys. The Hayward sisters scene was your idea all the way. I like it a lot actually. It's wholesome, squeeky clean yet also dark and twisted. They also act as the TV viewing audience as well, commenting on the action. I wish Harriet could be in every episode, but sadly I don't think that would happen. She probably won't return until the season finale. Whereas, Donna and Dr. Hayward's characters are contracted to be in every episode (give or take).

In rereading all of this, it's interesting to note that Cooper has actually failed -he found out who killed Laura Palmer, but Leland was the one who took care of himself. From the police and FBI's view, Cooper is not coming up with results. BUT if ultimately Cooper is uncovering the real truth to the bigger mystery, then I think that is okay.

I've been doing some research (in real life there is no algebra) -I'm trying to come up with the proper moves for the chess game and how to make it work, and what are Earle and Cooper's motivation. I think I can make it work if Earle is ultimately playing a game of not checkmate, but capture the queen, then it can work -under the terms that Cooper thinks he's playing a regular game and doesn't realize he's flushing out the queen as a key to enter the lodge.

Ultimately, as long as things aren't overexplained, and truthful to character it tends to work.

If this was a fourteen self-contained season, it would need a big mystery/hook to keep the general audience interested.
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
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Audrey Horne
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Post by Audrey Horne »

3.02 Act 1
Coop and Albert

Tone and voice was dead on and you deserve extra points for the Fatty Arbuckle comment, I laughed and then thought about it some more and then felt really uncomfortable. That is excactly what TP should always feel like!


Whoo hoo! That's exactly what I has hoping for. Yay! And start throwing some ideas out there too, we're getting to dangerous thin territory here.
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
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Evenreven
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Post by Evenreven »

Audrey Horne wrote:thanks, guys. The Hayward sisters scene was your idea all the way. I like it a lot actually. It's wholesome, squeeky clean yet also dark and twisted. They also act as the TV viewing audience as well, commenting on the action. I wish Harriet could be in every episode, but sadly I don't think that would happen. She probably won't return until the season finale. Whereas, Donna and Dr. Hayward's characters are contracted to be in every episode (give or take).
My idea half the way. Tops. Maybe I pushed you, but you actually did it and turned a loose and uninteresting idea for the cliffhanger into something really amazing. The mix of wholesome and twisted is what makes it so good. It reminds me of Leland singing "Get Happy". It's necessary to see the madness through the wholesome eyes of the Haywards. We need them to tell us the Palmers are "off their rockers" for it to work.

You're right about Harriet, unfortunately. In an alternate reality, Harriet Hayward is the main character of Twin Peaks season 8. About the principal cast, though... Isn't it possible to get "upgraded"? Kimmy Robertson got to the main starring part in the second season, didn't she? Ray Wise and James Marshall would have to go anyway. I suggested Don Davis and Miguel Ferrer being upgraded for the third season a page or so back. Of course it won't happen to Harriet, but in the dream reality...
In rereading all of this, it's interesting to note that Cooper has actually failed -he found out who killed Laura Palmer, but Leland was the one who took care of himself. From the police and FBI's view, Cooper is not coming up with results. BUT if ultimately Cooper is uncovering the real truth to the bigger mystery, then I think that is okay.
That's one of my favourite things about the series as-is. Cooper is brilliant, he senses everything, he solves almost any mystery he tries to solve. And yet he fails miserably in the Laura Palmer case. He needs help from major Briggs and the old room service waiter to remember his dream, when in reality the clues all point in one direction. He hasn't checked the blood right. He hasn't wondered what on earth would be Ben's motives for killing Maddy. He knows that Leland is capable of killing since he confessed to a murder just a few days ago, and yet he doesn't put two and two together. Leland's hair even turned white, which isn't incriminating per se, but a sure sign something is very wrong (considering it's completely impossible). Quite simply, Cooper does a pretty bad job. Later in the series he's not really much better. And yet he's still the superhuman crimefighter. Very interesting, in my view.
I've been doing some research (in real life there is no algebra) -I'm trying to come up with the proper moves for the chess game and how to make it work, and what are Earle and Cooper's motivation. I think I can make it work if Earle is ultimately playing a game of not checkmate, but capture the queen, then it can work -under the terms that Cooper thinks he's playing a regular game and doesn't realize he's flushing out the queen as a key to enter the lodge.
Interesting idea. That might indeed work, and it's much simpler to get to work. If Cooper thinks it's a regular game, Earle might be able to get to the queen more easily. The only question is if it's good enough. Will Earle settle for just taking the queen? That's a bit sneaky and even if he's a sneaky guy that would seem like he's starting the game on false pretenses. As Cooper put it, Earle has "a sense of honor about these things". Maybe I'm exaggerating this. Do you think it would be a problem?
If this was a fourteen self-contained season, it would need a big mystery/hook to keep the general audience interested.
I've been thinking about this. I think the Lodge will have to get back on. The other candidate for me is the Harry/Josie/Bookhouse Boys/Andrew/Eckhardt storyline that will culminate in her death (around 3.06?). But that's not good enough for a main storyline. It doesn't involve the whole town in the same way as Laura did. I think Cooper has to have something more cosmic to do, and the Lodge seems like it's the only alternative. Maybe the nightfishing trip can happen soon? Even if it's somewhat hokey on the show, I like the fact that Briggs disappears into the White Lodge.
edit: It should be pretty good timing-wise too, not like the "mystery solved, let's introduce a new mystery" approach of the actual series. The chess plot is well underway, Leland's death is still investigated to some extent. And some viewers would remember the Lodge from the conversation at the Northern. If we go for the fishing trip in one of the next episodes, I say let's reintroduce Briggs as an acquaintance of Cooper's in the episode before his disappearance to make it more random. Let me think... They can meet at the RR and talk about Eastern mysticism, perhaps? Then next episode it's the call of nature and the call of the owl. When Briggs returns, he speaks to Bobby about how the place he's been resembles the place from his vision. That's all he remembers. Bobby's scared and gets that strange sad look from episode 14 at the Roadhouse. Just thinking aloud here, but I think I like this. It gets to be more like a parallel to Cooper's story - dream of Black/White Lodge, actual entry into Black/White Lodge. The Twin Motif (TM) again.

So some of the story arcs would be:
1-14
-Cooper, Audrey
-Audrey, Pete, Peter/Windom
-Windom, Cooper, chess game

1-6/7/8
-Josie, Harry, Cooper, Eckhardt, Andrew, Bookhouse boys, BOB, the man from another place

6/7/8-14
-post-Eckhardt Packard plot, the box and ending with bank explosion

1-12
Leo, Shelly

12-14
Leo, Windom

There is something missing here, and I think a disappearance might help.

Also, what do we have in mind for Donna? I think Gersten and Harriet should be allowed two more appearances, but apart from that? I have no idea. She goes to the police with the diary entry. Then what. Does Eve return? James is gone for good?
edit: Actually, I have three minor ideas: 1) She talks more to Audrey at school. The one scene you wrote left my thirsty for more. 2) She meets some of the bikers who knows James (possibly through Joey Paulson), including a poet biker. Billy Zane could be one of them! 3) She leaves flowers on Harold's grave and speaks to him.

And lastly, I take it Eckhardt is coming in to save Ben Horne's day and take Josie with him? That's a cool plot. Well done. Eckhardt is indeed big enough and with enough financial muscle to make it viable. But since Ben lost the mill and the land, what's his plan? To use the Josie/Thomas situation in a desperate slimy rat bastard way to get it back?
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Audrey Horne
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Post by Audrey Horne »

what IS the purpose of Earle playing this game -other than it would seem like stylistic and cool on TV. What are the motivations? What is the back story to Earle wanting into this Lodge? And is it just a coincidence that he landed at Twin Peaks searching for it and Cooper? If we could develop or crystalize what Earle's real intentions are, it would be easier to proceed with a story -even if it shouldn never be clear to the viewer, there is still a logic/structure behind it?

Would the chess game work if it was sabotage to bait Cooper into losing his queen? Why play chess with Cooper anyway? But what if Windom uses his own Queen piece agressively on the board forcing Cooper to take it. and loses his own queen in the process trying not to get checked? (Earle losing his queen would be represented in Cooper "stealing" Caroline away from him) Earle uses the game to set Cooper up to lose Earle's own queen so he can take Cooper's. This tactic is a way to bridge the chess game on the board to the real checkmate in real life -gettig Dale's soul.
God, I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
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